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BIKINI

34_430-autumn-sonnichsen-Great hours always come. More than that: the truths by which we hope, also comes out. But you know that, as time goes by, this long waiting, and waiting and waiting... when the crucial moment arrives, it no longer tastes the same? Why is revenge a dish served cold? And so is it not that this day, (long awaited by me), has arrived? She, an ex-girlfriend of mine, was always very proud. Someone that does not admit things. Never acknowledging when she was wrong, or fireworks displays to say how happy she was with me. But she actually was happy. And ask me how I know that. Ah, that much we know! Or rather, I have been gathering clues, sighs, laughs and sweats, and I finally concluded. But the sweetheart and honey things about heartthrobs, like I love you, were never in her.

And one morning, after many years now, checking my mail, I open one... With a very affectionate message, saying, "I had no idea how important you are and was in my life." it was her email. I thought: What joke is this? After so much time apart she decides to show up. And to make fun of me? Since I believe that everyone is innocent until they prove otherwise, I took it seriously, and replied the message, showing a little surprise but thankful, period. Just that.

I never again saw her in bed or in the refrigerator. It is not common for me to befriend my past relationships. I do not call to see if all is well, nor invite to sit in a bar and take a cold beer if we meet on the street. Readers, understand that I do not want to harm anyone. I just lose interest. And they move on without me.

When I was with this girlfriend, I always had the feeling of "tell me when you open your eyes and actually see how much I try (I tried) for you." And so it is that this day came.

She sent me another email. With three phone numbers and asking for me to call when I could. For two nights I was troubled. I wanted nothing more to do with her. Or did I? I've been torn between the yes and no. Between that champagne with no more gas or water with ice balls that I am drinking. I thought I was dying of some disease. Not knowing that we were not cut out for each other. Otherwise, we would have perhaps been happy, as required by protocol. We would have been tacky. Done invitations, chose the buffet, the souvenirs, married in a wedding ceremony. I would have worn a coat with a carnation in the lapel. And then we would have left for our honeymoon where there is always sunshine, the sea and multi-colored drinks, such as the Caribbean. Or we would have gone to the Bikini Islands..... Whatever.

If I had any desire or intention towards her, I started to deny it to myself as soon as I called her and heard her first words on the phone which remain highly presumptuous. This movie played in my head: I saw how happy we were together and how that will never happen again, that the happy moments were unique. And the pain too. She said we could go out. I said yes, I’d call. I just did not say when.

 

Gabriel Colombo - All rights reserved

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